{"id":1684,"date":"2023-03-31T09:07:05","date_gmt":"2023-03-31T08:07:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/?p=1684"},"modified":"2023-03-31T09:07:05","modified_gmt":"2023-03-31T08:07:05","slug":"nice-talking-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/?p=1684&lang=en","title":{"rendered":"Nice talking to you!"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Kristin Fehlauer<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a bit of an overthinker. This is probably a professional hazard\u2014it comes from considering every sentence you read or write from all possible angles and asking yourself if an alternative might not be better. And just as I think a lot about everything I write, I also think a lot about what I say. And about what other people say. And what we say to each other! In short, conversation.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m by no means an expert conversationalist, nor am I always willing to dive into some chitchat (ask my coworkers how chatty I am pre-morning coffee). Still, sometimes it\u2019s unavoidable, so I might as well be prepared to make the best of it. What makes a good conversation? What I can do to make it better, what are some things to avoid? Here are some of my favorite guidelines and suggestions.<\/p>\n

The cardinal rule of good conversation is simple: be more interested in your speaking partner than in yourself. The first couple gambits might be slow going, but if you can find something about their responses to be interested in, things should start flowing more easily. The truly tricky thing is to balance your friendly questions with enough declarative comments that it doesn\u2019t turn into an interrogation! Try asking a question, then expanding on or clarifying their answer. That should be enough to get the ball rolling.<\/p>\n

Having trouble getting interested? I\u2019m often reminded of a quote from a book by one of my favorite authors, Lilian Jackson Braun: \u201cThere are no dull subjects<\/a>\u2026only dull reporters who ask dull questions.\u201d She was talking about journalism, but the principle still applies. Anything and everything can be interesting provided you have the right mindset. If the topic itself doesn\u2019t thrill you, what about the person\u2019s relationship to it? Do they like it? What first got them hooked?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be afraid to change it up. Instead of the clich\u00e9 \u201cWhat do you do (for a living)?\u201d, ask \u201cWhat do you like to do when you\u2019re not working?\u201d or even \u201cDo you like your job?\u201d It might take a second for your conversation partner to respond to unexpected questions, but more likely than not they will find it refreshing and you\u2019ll have a better chance of their enjoying talking with you.<\/p>\n

For the most grievous conversational sin, it\u2019s a toss-up between looking obviously bored and interrupting. However, both boil down to the same thing: you\u2019re not interested in what your partner is saying. Either you\u2019re not paying attention at all, or you\u2019re so wrapped up in your own train of thought that you interject without noticing if the other person is still going. In a dynamic back-and-forth, some overlap is likely to occur, but try to pause and ask yourself: Has my counterpart completed their thought? Do they tend to speak at a slower pace? If you do break into their sentence, simply apologize and give them a chance to continue. They\u2019ll appreciate it!<\/p>\n

One final crazy idea that helps me: if you\u2019re feeling shy or ill at ease, pretend to be a spy or a thief doing reconnaissance! Do you think James Bond cares if he doesn\u2019t know anyone at the party? Having a superordinate goal, even an imaginary one, can help take some of the pressure off, and if you\u2019re relaxed, you\u2019re much more likely to enjoy yourself\u2014and thus to make a good impression.<\/p>\n

Conversation is a skill, and like any skill, it requires practice. Try these techniques out and let me know what you think! I hope they help you have more enjoyable conversations that are more memorable\u2014for all the right reasons \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ah, small talk\u2014that dreaded bugaboo of the business world. But changing your approach and mindset can make all the difference. Kristin Fehlauer shares her top tips for having a successful\u2014and fun!\u2014conversation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":1681,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[172,681,682],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1684"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1684"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1686,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1684\/revisions\/1686"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1681"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.kleinwolfpeters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}